On the way in to work this morning I was thinking about our impending move to the new house, and it occurred to me that I am not sad at all about leaving the house that has been my home for the last 20 years.
As I thought about the wall where I marked the kids' heights for a while, I was overcome with emotion for a few minutes, realizing that what I DO miss is being the center of my children's worlds, because they have certainly been the center of mine. They are the reason I worked so hard at keeping my marriage and my life together...they gave me solace as all that was" me" was slipping away.
I keep thinking that I should have some special attachment to my house because I raised my children there and so many memories were made there - but for all the good memories made there, there was always a darkness that grew as time went on and the abuse got worse, until at one point it was like a physical presence in the house. Although it IS gone now, the memory of it lingers, and it is to me like a stain on your favorite shirt that is so faint that no one else will notice it, but you still know it's there so your eye automatically travels to it every time you look in the mirror. Isn't is strange how we somehow feel like we should cling to things that have brought us misery out of sentimentality, as if we are doing the past some sort of injustice by moving on?
Moving from that house is the last major step for me in the healing process… I have a NEED to get out of there. It's as if that house is the last chain that has me bound, and once I have moved from there I will finally be free. I have found real, true love and we are making a new life together, and this will finally move us out of the dark shadow of what once was.
So here's to the excitement of new beginnings, new adventures, dreams coming true and the possibilities that having hope again brings. May God bless our new home with Love, Peace, Happiness, Joy, Family and Friends.
There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,