Saturday, April 19, 2014

Out with the Old...

On the way in to work this morning I was thinking about our impending move to the new house, and it occurred to me that I am not sad at all about leaving the house that has been my home for the last 20 years. 

As I thought about the wall where I marked the kids' heights for a while, I was overcome with emotion for a few minutes, realizing that what I DO miss is being the center of my children's worlds, because they have certainly been the center of mine.  They are the reason I worked so hard at keeping my marriage and my life together...they gave me solace as all that was" me" was slipping away.

I keep thinking that I should have some special attachment to my house because I raised my children there and so many memories were made there - but for all the good memories made there, there was always a darkness that grew as time went on and the abuse got worse, until at one point it was like a physical presence in the house. Although it IS gone now, the memory of it lingers, and it is to me like a stain on your favorite shirt that is so faint that no one else will notice it, but you still know it's there so your eye automatically travels to it every time you look in the mirror. Isn't is strange how we somehow feel like we should cling to things that have brought us misery out of sentimentality, as if we are doing the past some sort of injustice by moving on?

Moving from that house is the last major step for me in the healing process… I have a NEED to get out of there. It's as if that house is the last chain that has me bound, and once I have moved from there I will finally be free. I have found real, true love and we are making a new life together, and this will finally move us out of the dark shadow of what once was.

So here's to the excitement of new beginnings, new adventures, dreams coming true and the possibilities that having hope again brings.  May God bless our new home with Love, Peace, Happiness, Joy, Family and Friends.

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,

Cindy <><

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Good, The Great, and The Judges

I recently saw this posted on a friend's Facebook page, and the irony of such a post caught my attention. I find it very difficult not to comment of these types of posts, but since doing so only serves to stir a pot of ill will, I have decided to bring some of these quirky blurbs to my blog to be dissected instead.

I believe that if you are living your life as God intends, then by the very nature of that fact you will face opposition or persecution on a daily basis, be it in the mockery of the unbeliever or the self-righteous judgement/condemnation of the fellow Christian. As our righteousness is as filthy rags before God, it seems that our fellow Man tends to make all too sure that no good deed goes unpunished. It almost makes you want to throw up your hands in exasperation and exclaim, "Why am I doing this?! It's not WORTH it!!" But it IS worth it... not to be considered "good" in the eyes of others, but to be considered obedient in the eyes of the Lord.

Our Lord Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:13-14 that we should, "Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Has it ever crossed your mind that if He is leading all of us down exactly the same path that the path would pretty soon be broad and well-worn?

I have learned that He is not leading all of us down the same path, but as long as I am following HIM, the path He is leading someone else down doesn't really matter. Nor should it matter to anyone else where He is leading me, because in the end, all that really matters is whether or not each of us follows HIM wholeheartedly. "For why should my freedom be judged by another man's conscience?"(a)

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."(b)  "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble..."(c)

For the record, if I would have commented, I would have said that a "great" person would be the one who is able to refrain from criticizing another in the first place... "Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls..."(d)

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,
Cindy <><

(a) 1 Corinthians 10:29, NIV
(b) Matthew 7:1-2, NIV
(c) 1 Corinthians 10: 31-32a, NIV
(d) Romans 14:4, NIV

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Life Lessons I Have Learned From Riding a Motorcycle

1. When you decide where you want to go, point your eyes that way and keep them there. Don't hesitate, and don't look back.
2. Stay out of other people's blind spots.
3 .Live in the moment, but be prepared for what lies in the road ahead of you.
4. Pay attention to the little things.
5. Always have an escape plan, and know when to use it. Don't allow the stupid decisions or irresponsible actions of other people take you out.
6. Eventually, you're gonna drop it. Pick yourself up, dust off, get back on and keep riding.
7. Beware of the posers and pretenders. They THINK they know it all, and their arrogance can involve you in their crashes. Pass these people so they won't hinder you from reaching your destination.
8. Pray daily, especially for a hedge of protection around you and those you love, and oray for your guardian angel to ride along with you.
9. Enjoy and marvel in God's creation with all of your senses.
10. Don't judge others by the way they look, what other people say about them, or even a very first impression. Take time to get to know the person inside. You never know what good friendships you might miss out on because of someone else's gossip.
11. Most importantly, be on a first name basis with Jesus. After all, you just might meet Him today.

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house....

Cindy <><

Sunday, December 23, 2012

I've been spending time in the Wilderness...

copyright Cindy W. Dillard
... the Sipsey Wilderness, that is, in the Bankhead National Forest. Here are a few pictures from our very long hikes:
copyright Cindy W. Dillard
 The Sipsey Wilderness is one of the only places in the Southeast where the Eastern Hemlock grows.
copyright Cindy W. Dillard

copyright Cindy W. Dillard
 Notice the river rocks that are a part of this rock, as well as the leaf prints and the piece of petrified wood. This was located at the base of this massive stack:
copyright Cindy W. Dillard
  The Sipsey is renowned for it's high number of impressive waterfalls. This is one we visited:
copyright Cindy W. Dillard

copyright Cindy W. Dillard
Overall, except for a few blisters and sore feet, one of the best vacations I've ever had. I can't wait for our next adventure!

Now for Christmas...

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,
Cindy <><

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Evening Cloud

Copyright owned by Cindy Dillard
A cloud lay cradled near the setting sun,
A gleam of crimson tinged its braided snow;
Long had I watched the glory moving on
O'er the still radiance of the lake below.
Tranquil its spirit seemed, and floated slow!
Even in its very motion there was rest;
While every breath of eve that chanced to blow
Wafted the traveller to the beauteous west.
Emblem, methought, of the departed soul!
To whose white robe the gleam of bliss is given
And by the breath of mercy made to roll
Right onwards to the golden gates of heaven,
Where to the eye of faith it peaceful lies,
And tells to man his glorious destinies.
(by John Wilson)

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,
Cindy <><

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Mama Drives a Harley...

...and this one's mine! I've had it since May, and I ride it to work every day except when it's storming. One of the ways my life experiences have broadened in the past year. What do you think?

There is joy on this journey, on my way home to my Father's house,
Cindy <><

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Where I Am... Continuing My Story

Someone very close to me once told me that if a man falls out of love, he does so suddenly and he makes a conscious decision about it. A woman, on the other hand, falls out of love gradually over time; she gives her whole heart away to a man, but his action (or inaction) leads her to take back pieces of her heart, little by little, until there's just nothing of love left. I believe this to be a very wise and astute assessment of human nature.

Things had been bad in my marriage for a very, very long time. But I was (and am!) a very stubborn person, and I was determined to make it work. But the harder I worked at the marriage, the more my ex-husband slacked off, so I would work harder still.

In addition, I confess that I was prideful, thinking to myself how much better our marriage was than that of this couple or that couple, or how much worse this neighbor's or that neighbor's situation was than mine, so I should be the shining example of the Christian-wife-and-mother martyr to the rest of my little world. Plus, I didn't want to admit that my mother may have been right all those years ago when she encouraged me not to marry so young. How's that for stubborn pride??

Pride can be a heavy load to carry around, though, and the weight of my situation began to be more than I could bear. It's even reflected in my last blog post before my long absence.

After that, with an additional child in the house in public school, homeschooling my own, working full time, housekeeping, ad nauseum, plus the complaints about the time the blog was taking, I just gave it up for a while. Plus, keeping so busy took my focus away from my problems, and that can be a good thing. It's a good way to keep from wallowing in self-pity lol!

But I did reach a breaking point. I know exactly when, down to the approximate time, that the last little piece of my heart returned to me. It was on a Friday night, the first night of my vacation, when after driving for 5 hours to get to our camper (the rest of the family were already there), after I had prepared dinner and worked on finishing the camper set-up that hadn't been done, my husband picked a fight with me, totally out of the blue, about something I had said 4 months earlier which, in his mind, implied that I worked as hard as him. Never mind that I actually always had worked as hard, and often harder, than him - the fact that I had simply implied such all those months before was enough for him to hold a grudge, and for him to punish me with it that particular night.

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